When does decorum keep us civil– and when does it keep us silent?

From courtroom etiquette to the Oval Office, from department meetings to NFL sidelines, decorum shapes our public interactions—but who gets to decide what counts as “proper” behavior? In this episode of Hotel Bar Sessions, Rick, Leigh, and Devonya take on the contested role of decorum in social and political life. Is it a necessary lubricant for peaceful coexistence, or a tool for policing and silencing dissent?

The hosts explore decorum’s history, its role in institutions like Congress and the courts, and its power to both reinforce and resist social hierarchies. From Colin Kaepernick’s kneeling protest to Zelensky’s wartime wardrobe, the conversation turns to moments when violating expectations becomes an act of defiance. Does focusing on breaches of decorum distract from deeper moral and political failures? And if we abandon the language of decorum, what do we lose—or gain?

With their signature mix of philosophical insight and barroom banter, the hosts wrestle with the real stakes of politeness, propriety, and protest.

In this episode, we reference the following thinkers/ideas/texts/etc.:

Philosophy & Theory

• Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797) – on duty and moral law

• Judith Butler, Gender Trouble (1990) – on norms and social policing

• Pierre Bourdieu, Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste (1979) – on class, decorum, and cultural capital

• Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (1956) – on social performance and propriety

• John Rawls, A Theory of Justice (1971) – on fairness and political discourse

• Tricia Hersey, Rest is Resistance (2022) – on rest as a radical act

Politics & Current Events

• Colin Kaepernick’s Protest – Kaepernick’s decision to kneel as an act of resistance

• Donald Trump, J.D. Vance, and Volodymyr Zelensky Oval Office Meeting – CNN Report on the controversial decorum dispute

• Nancy Pelosi’s State of the Union Gesture – BBC coverage of Pelosi ripping up Trump’s speech

• Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Partner and White House Press Access – The Daily Beast on right-wing media presence

• U.S. Senate & House Rules on Decorum – Congressional Research Service on decorum enforcement

Pop Culture & Media

• Miss Manners’ Column – Miss Manners at the Washington Post

• Harry and Meghan’s “Decorum” Controversies – The Guardian on racialized media narratives

• Elise Graham, Book and Dagger: How Scholars and Librarians Became the Unlikely Spies of World War II (2024) – on “library rats” in espionage