There have been many reports in the last several years of a growing trend of estranged families in the United States. For those who make the decision to go “no contact” (or “low contact”) with their family members, the response from non-family members can be a mixed bag of support and judgment… often independent of the person’s reasons for making that choice.

What’s going on with the contemporary phenomenon of people going low or no contact with their family members? Is such a decision morally acceptable, or is forgiveness and relationship maintenance something we owe to others, but especially our family? What does a “good” family look like? And why do we so often find ourselves in the position of hoping for the best without any guarantees that things will turn out well?

In this episode, we investigate the ways in which our families shape our identities and how the stories we tell about family relationships often determine how we see and understand others. As you’ll notice throughout the episode, it turns out that nothing gets people going like family! We’re joined by Dr. Kiran Bhardwaj, whose work centers on these complex ethical issues and who walks us through some philosophical distinctions that may help in navigating the murky waters of distressed family relations. 

This week’s jukebox picks:

• Bob’s pick: “Keep the Family Close,” by Drake
• Jen’s pick: “Daughter,” by Loudon Wainwright III
• Kiran’s pick: “Blue Bucket of Gold” (feat. Sufjan Stevens), by Gallant
• Leigh’s pick: “Family Tradition,” by Hank Williams, Jr.

In this episode, we discuss the following thinkers, ideas, texts, etc.:

• The idea of chosen family
• Care ethics
• Kinship structures
• Aristotle on the development of the polity in Book I of Politics
• The Enlightenment Tradition
• Confucius, filial piety
• Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies
• The idea of the nuclear family
• Goethe, Elective Affinities
• Winona LaDuke, Prophecy of the Seventh Fire: Choosing the Path That Is Green
• Kiran Bhardwaj, “Giving Up on Someone”
• Sophie Lewis, Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and Liberation
• Hotel Bar Episode on the abolition of the family
• Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
• Victoria McGeer, “The Art of Good Hope”